The Ministry of Miscarriage

Being a mother is one of the most defining parts of my personhood. I am so thankful for the opportunity to shepherd little lives and to grow and mature myself in new ways through motherhood. I have been so very blessed with three of the most handsome little men.

I was also blessed with one very special Angel Baby.

 

We were going to have a Christmas baby and were so excited to grow our family. I had bought a “big brother” shirt for J (our only child at the time), months before we began trying to conceive, in anticipation of needing it sometime the following year. When the second pink line appeared, I was so excited for this new little life growing inside of me, but something just felt off.

In the first trimester I experienced a miscarriage. I mourned that loss, but overall the feeling I had was gratefulness for the time I had with my Angel Baby. In a new way, I understand that every life has value. I believed in the sanctity of life before this occurred, but now I knew first hand that this little life was not worthless and was not an inconvenience.

My Angel Baby was and is so loved. My story is not unlike so many first trimester miscarriage stories. While none are identical, the feelings of expectancy and loss are common. While I did not wish to join this sisterhood, I am so thankful to have the opportunity to minister to friends who have experienced pregnancy loss. I now have the privilege to come alongside friends and family to share their grief and pain with understanding and empathy.

That ministry is what is so important to the miscarriage narrative. While my physical miscarriage story may sound similar to others, let me tell you what made such a difference in my emotional healing.

I hadn’t told many people about the pregnancy. I wanted to wait, even with our immediate families. I told a couple local friends who helped watch my oldest for Dr. appointments; but otherwise, this baby was our special secret. When I miscarried, I was hesitant to share the news. I didn’t want to seem like I was seeking attention or create awkward situations. Feeling sad and alone is never a good place to be.

That’s when I received a Facebook message from a friend. This was an old friend from high school who I hadn’t seen in years, but that is one of the best parts of social media. We had stayed in contact through likes and heart eye comments as we watched each other’s lives blossom from afar. She wrote me saying that she had been thinking about me lately and felt pressed to pray for me but she wasn’t sure why. She then shared her own stories of miscarriage and let me know that I could reach out to her for whatever was going on in my life if I needed. I promptly wrote back about my miscarriage and heartbreak. She had hoped she was wrong in her hunch, but she followed through and opened the door to compassionate conversation. She willingly shared her story and that helped me so much in talking through my own.

She followed through.

Knowing that the Holy Spirit had prompted her to think of, pray for, and contact me made me feel so seen and known by my Heavenly Father. Even through this loss, I was not forgotten by Him. “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” Psalm 34:18. How often have I felt promptings by the Spirit to pray for someone or reach out to someone, but I have brushed it aside blaming my over-active imagination and wandering mind? How often have I missed the opportunity to help a hurting friend just by being able to say, “Me too. I’m here. I see you.” How often have I disobeyed the call to come alongside someone in his or her trial and sorrow because it was an inconvenient time for me?

Follow through.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” Romans 12:15

Now when I feel the prompting of the Spirit to pray, I pray. I try to let the person in my prayers know that they’ve been laid on my heart and are being prayed over, because everyone could always use a little extra prayer, right? Do not overlook the ministry of prayer. Do not doubt the power of prayer. Come alongside the body of Christ and lift each other up.

I was so blessed to spend the little time I did with my Angel Baby. I was blessed by the Spirit moving my friend to pray for me. I was blessed by my friend reaching out to me without knowing the situation. I have been blessed to be able to pray over others and minister to them in their time of need. While this is not an area of ministry I ever would have prayed for, I am thankful for the opportunity to support others.

Please feel free to email me via the contact form or comment below with your story. I am a willing listening ear and know the power of sharing our grief and sorrow.

18 Comments

  1. Janice

    October 16, 2017 at 9:51 am

    So many women go through this. And it’s so good to be able to vent and get the emotions out. At the time of my miscarriage 15yrs ago o had no one to talk to. Such a tragic loss. Thank you for this article.

    1. myjoyfulMOMent

      October 16, 2017 at 12:46 pm

      Living in community, especially during grief, is so vital. I’m sorry you didn’t have support through your pain.

  2. Janire

    October 16, 2017 at 10:15 am

    This is beautiful. Whenever I or my SO are going through any hardships, I always pray to the Lord and remind my SO that God does not give us more than we can handle. Although at that moment whatever it is may feel life shattering, we can and will get past it with prayer.

    1. myjoyfulMOMent

      October 16, 2017 at 12:47 pm

      He is such a good, good Father. May we always look at our trials as opportunities to draw closer to Him.

  3. Jamie

    October 16, 2017 at 10:17 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to put your story out there but it’s one that a lot of mom’s need to hear. I also love how positive and supportive this is. I think a lot of moms would benefit from hearing your story if they are going through something like this ❤

    1. myjoyfulMOMent

      October 16, 2017 at 12:48 pm

      Thank you for the encouragement. There is a whole lot of ugly in the world, but that makes the light seem that much brighter. I choose to focus on the light.

    1. myjoyfulMOMent

      October 16, 2017 at 12:49 pm

      It is so encouraging having days of remembrance. I see so many other stories and know that I am not alone.

  4. Tia

    October 16, 2017 at 10:47 am

    Wow the fact that their are so many women who go through the same thing. And to know your not alone thats awesome!

    1. myjoyfulMOMent

      October 16, 2017 at 12:49 pm

      It truly aids the grieving process. People loving people is what this world needs!

  5. Melina

    October 16, 2017 at 11:54 am

    Thank you for sharing this. Too many times, I have neglected this prompting to call or text or follow my gut instinct, which (you’re right) is most likely the promptings of the Spirit. I am very sorry for your loss and pray many blessings for you and your family.

    1. myjoyfulMOMent

      October 16, 2017 at 12:51 pm

      Me too! There have been numerous times I felt led to make what seemed like a grand gesture and made no sense, so not wanting to seem silly I didn’t follow through. Come to find out later I missed a huge opportunity to bless someone else. I am learning to listen to those promptings much better now!

  6. Meagan Patton

    October 16, 2017 at 1:06 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. Thank for sharing. I have always been unsure how to approach the subject. I have not gone through a miscarriage so I always feel like I have no right to say anything. Praying for your sweet family.

  7. Kira

    October 16, 2017 at 1:43 pm

    Sorry for your loss – there are more of us out there than we think 🙂 xx

  8. Nicole - Tales from Mamaville

    October 16, 2017 at 4:44 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss, but you are so right… talking about one’s grief helps in overcoming it. I lost someone very very close to me at a younger age, and talking about him – and the loss – helped others help me. All the best to you.

  9. Neha @growingwithnemit

    October 17, 2017 at 6:24 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. You are such a strong Mumma, I know how hard and difficult it would have been for you to pen down your story reliving each moment and how kind of your friend to speak to you, sometimes all we need is someone who can listen to us. Thanks for sharing this.

  10. Christine Salty Mama

    October 17, 2017 at 6:40 pm

    What a beautiful post – and a way to give your experience a higher meaning. Hugs to you, your family, and your sweet angel baby.

  11. Erin

    October 17, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    This is so touching and such a reminder to follow through on the subtle nudges to be a blessing to others. You are brave for sharing this and praying for your family. Thank you for sharing.

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