The Ministry of Miscarriage
Being a mother is one of the most defining parts of my personhood. I am so thankful for the opportunity to shepherd little lives and to grow and mature myself in new ways through motherhood. I have been so very blessed with three of the most handsome little men.
I was also blessed with one very special Angel Baby.
We were going to have a Christmas baby and were so excited to grow our family. I had bought a “big brother” shirt for J (our only child at the time), months before we began trying to conceive, in anticipation of needing it sometime the following year. When the second pink line appeared, I was so excited for this new little life growing inside of me, but something just felt off.
In the first trimester I experienced a miscarriage. I mourned that loss, but overall the feeling I had was gratefulness for the time I had with my Angel Baby. In a new way, I understand that every life has value. I believed in the sanctity of life before this occurred, but now I knew first hand that this little life was not worthless and was not an inconvenience.
My Angel Baby was and is so loved. My story is not unlike so many first trimester miscarriage stories. While none are identical, the feelings of expectancy and loss are common. While I did not wish to join this sisterhood, I am so thankful to have the opportunity to minister to friends who have experienced pregnancy loss. I now have the privilege to come alongside friends and family to share their grief and pain with understanding and empathy.
That ministry is what is so important to the miscarriage narrative. While my physical miscarriage story may sound similar to others, let me tell you what made such a difference in my emotional healing.
I hadn’t told many people about the pregnancy. I wanted to wait, even with our immediate families. I told a couple local friends who helped watch my oldest for Dr. appointments; but otherwise, this baby was our special secret. When I miscarried, I was hesitant to share the news. I didn’t want to seem like I was seeking attention or create awkward situations. Feeling sad and alone is never a good place to be.
That’s when I received a Facebook message from a friend. This was an old friend from high school who I hadn’t seen in years, but that is one of the best parts of social media. We had stayed in contact through likes and heart eye comments as we watched each other’s lives blossom from afar. She wrote me saying that she had been thinking about me lately and felt pressed to pray for me but she wasn’t sure why. She then shared her own stories of miscarriage and let me know that I could reach out to her for whatever was going on in my life if I needed. I promptly wrote back about my miscarriage and heartbreak. She had hoped she was wrong in her hunch, but she followed through and opened the door to compassionate conversation. She willingly shared her story and that helped me so much in talking through my own.
She followed through.
Knowing that the Holy Spirit had prompted her to think of, pray for, and contact me made me feel so seen and known by my Heavenly Father. Even through this loss, I was not forgotten by Him. “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” Psalm 34:18. How often have I felt promptings by the Spirit to pray for someone or reach out to someone, but I have brushed it aside blaming my over-active imagination and wandering mind? How often have I missed the opportunity to help a hurting friend just by being able to say, “Me too. I’m here. I see you.” How often have I disobeyed the call to come alongside someone in his or her trial and sorrow because it was an inconvenient time for me?
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” Romans 12:15
Now when I feel the prompting of the Spirit to pray, I pray. I try to let the person in my prayers know that they’ve been laid on my heart and are being prayed over, because everyone could always use a little extra prayer, right? Do not overlook the ministry of prayer. Do not doubt the power of prayer. Come alongside the body of Christ and lift each other up.
I was so blessed to spend the little time I did with my Angel Baby. I was blessed by the Spirit moving my friend to pray for me. I was blessed by my friend reaching out to me without knowing the situation. I have been blessed to be able to pray over others and minister to them in their time of need. While this is not an area of ministry I ever would have prayed for, I am thankful for the opportunity to support others.
Please feel free to email me via the contact form or comment below with your story. I am a willing listening ear and know the power of sharing our grief and sorrow.