In Weakness

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

The enemy knows my weaknesses. He knows that I am created for a spiritual world but I am currently trapped in a physical body. He uses that against me. 

I am failing.

I am at my very worst when I am battling my literal flesh. I have chronic neck pain and migraines. I operate on little sleep since I have been pregnant, having nightly nursing sessions, or snuggling waking toddlers for the past 7.5 years straight. My skin is very sensitive and I have an ever growing list of allergens that cause painful, prolonged reactions. Menstruation causes emotional turmoil and I have difficulty regulating and controlling my reactions.

I am at war with my physical body and I am letting it win.

The latest trigger has been what I am assuming was a bee sting. Some type of bite appeared on my leg and within a day I had a welt the size of my hand. It was firm, red, and warm to the touch. It caused minor pain while walking and I drew a familiar line around it to monitor its growth. It was frustrating and I turned my eyes inward and sulked over my lot. Benadryl helped with the swelling, but also left me feeling sluggish. Pair with that my typical hormonal cocktail of emotions and you have an irritable, itchy, inconsiderate mama.

I kept repeating to myself, “My God is bigger than a bee sting. My God is bigger than physical pain. My God is bigger than my selfish emotions.” When I put things into perspective I had to laugh at myself. How can one tiny little bee sting amount to so much emotional grief? How weak am I?

We all have different areas of weakness. Apparently one of mine is physical discomfort. But just as it says in Ephesians, I am not truly wrestling against my flesh. I am wrestling with the enemy as he tries to turn my attention away from Jesus, my Great Healer. “Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (1 John 4:4) Jesus has healed my flesh once and for all from sin and eternal death, why then am I allowing this momentary pain to determine my attitude and demeanor? My God is stronger than the flesh. Jesus says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So I can praise the Lord “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (1 Cor. 12:9-10) My God has defeated death and decay. I have an eternal body waiting for me for all eternity. 

It is now day four of dealing with this miserable bite. It takes up at least 60% of the surface area of my thigh. But instead of allowing my thoughts to dwell on the discomfort, I choose to take them captive (2 Cor. 10:5) and to dwell on the goodness of the Lord. 

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26). 

P.S.

This post was delayed in publication because, surprise, another unexpected physical ailment. But the Lord was so gracious to keep these truths at the forefront of my mind and He continued to teach me in my time of {minor} suffering. So Part 2 is on the way! I’ll post pictures of the bee sting/bug bite in my instagram stories for the curious. So check it out in the next 24 hours! @myjoyfulmoment

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